I used to believe 

That true magic existed –

But then I grew up. 



No zeal…

I haven’t had any zeal at all for anything lately. I haven’t felt to write … I didn’t do a journal for September … I didn’t start back exercising. 

Work has just been very busy and when I’m done with that and home I have no energy for anything all I want to do is go to bed. 

I can’t imagine if I had real responsibilities like a husband or a child what I would do … I probably wouldn’t do it. I just don’t have the push to do anything else than just make it through the day at work because I have to. 

My anxiety has been very bad too for more than a month. I don’t sleep and if I do I wake up at 3am with extremely bad stomach pain that doesn’t go away for a few hours… haven’t been able to eat really so I just limit to once a day proper meal so I’ve lost a fair amount of weight because of it… lots of things on my mind to worry about as well… just racing all the time. It’s been a struggle to make it to the end of each day and even more so each week right now. It feels like it’s taking FOREVER – how is it only now mid September ? I feel like I’ve been suffering back at work for ages. 

Just not seeing much positives right now. Life is just the routine with no purpose and nothing seems appealing to get me out of the space I’m in.