It always comes back to Anger. 

I have definitely regressed in terms of my everyday behavior and emotions. 

I am angry everyday. Everyday. Today was one of those days where it seemed everyone and everything was set on pissing me off. From the time I got to work and saw some jackass parked in my spot I KNEW it was going to be one of those days.  

I left work early and was home at a decent time but I was just still generally angry about the day. That’s not a good sign at all because it really has been a long time since I’ve been in this space. 

And it’s really something that has probably been going on since the beginning of the year. I was supposed to have started back the daily challenge of writing one good thing that happens to you a day… I only just remembered and went to the book and my last entry was sometime at the end of January. It’s now almost the end of March.. almost two months has gone by and at NO point did I remember to go back to that book and write anything in it. 

I knew I was really off balance this week and I went for a massage on Monday and had sushi with my cousin yesterday but… I know that wasn’t enough based on the day that I had today and how unsettled I feel now.

I just haven’t felt to do anything… I mean yes I’m going to work and I have this new show so I have performances like crazy… but it’s like I know I have to do things and literally can’t bring myself to do it… I know I should exercise or I should try some kind of meditation… I literally just lit a lavender candle because I couldn’t remember when last I even did that. 

I considered going away next week because it’s a technical long weekend here but flight prices are ridiculous at the moment. But I know I have to figure out a way to regain some sort of center, because the feeling low coupled now with the anger is definitely going to take my right back to where I was before.

I dont know why it’s always so hard for me to be like everyone else and just be happy with life. 

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