24 hours ago I was in the same place I am now – in bed – but feeling vastly different. I was feeling so depressed I don’t think there were even words to describe it at the time. That feeling wasn’t because of any one thing or any number of things.
I decided not to go to work today not only because of the mood I was in, but also because it would have been too physically demanding today on my lower back. I was finally forced (by pain) to take pain killers which I had been able to shun for the past two weeks.
I tried to get a massage with my usual person but she was booked and decided to try someone else who was highly recommended by a friend. It turned out to be the best decision I had made in a long time. It was exactly the kind of massage therapy I needed at the moment and really made a difference in alleviating the discomfort. It would sound strange to say I made a sort of connection with the massage therapist but essentially that is what it was.
Later on I got called to go a reading for a new show which I really wasn’t initially supposed to be called for. I went to it and it’s supposed to open next weekend so all of a sudden I’m thrown back into rehearsal from tomorrow straight until then. Three of us actors however were already booked to do another show week after next week but with some manoeuvering the two producers managed to work it out and swap some dates and everyone will be happy and have their actors. It just seemed like the theatre gods were on the job today.
Lastly and probably the main thing that happened was … I got some kind of resolution about my trip. For the last few months I have been trying to plan to go see my boyfriend where he lived (far), yet nothing seemed concretized… mainly because he wasn’t giving me any definite answers everything was very vague. Of course with people like me, my personality is one where if you don’t communicate I will do all the thinking and over thinking in place of that lack of communication.
The last few days had been especially hard because I had begin to really immerse myself in negative thoughts concerning where we may/ may not be. I had reached the conclusion maybe he wanted to end things or had found someone else and did not know how to say so.
Finally talk we spoke more about it and while yes there are a few issues to deal with it didn’t relate to me or us specifically at all. He said that while the plan had been for me to visit if I would kind if he came down instead and I come up in summer. My thing is, I don’t care WHAT country we are in if we are spending time with each other.
I don’t know if maybe he thought he would be disappointing me if he said don’t visit just yet but if he is willing to visit instead for now, I’m fine with that. Plus it would work out since clearly I now booked to do shows from now till I’m dead at this rate.
The positivity of the morning that started when I went for my massage somehow kept on throughout the day. I feel far less anxious and upset than I did just a mere few hours ago. This is not to say I don’t think I may feel the same way again (depressed) soon, but I needed the day to lighten up and thankfully the beings or forces out there heard me.
Hopefully the next 24 hours are also as positive…