I’ve been on silent mode here for a while because a lot of things have happened lately… out of the norm. While the addict is still being his usual addict self, my life suddenly had other things going on as well… I think I wanted to process what was going on and see how “real” it really all was before I considered writing about it.
For the past few months I’d been talking to someone I met online… He lives in Canada which isn’t exactly next door to the Caribbean but he was supposed to visit my island to do some business. So until the visit we just talked everyday….. every… day. We never seemed to run out of things to talk about or get to know about one another and even regular conversation was … interesting.
I guess the main things that stood out to me at first was that he liked to read … really read… he loved nature (and got some pretty good pics of his own!) and loved animals… those are all things I would immediately be drawn to in a person. In a weird way he just had a calming effect even though our conversations were through messaging he just had a way of not making the worst day seem as bad as it did before.
I knew I liked him but of course all of the usual questions came to mind – what if he’s not who he says he is, what if he’s not really coming to visit, what if he’s just playing you along… he seemed so … nice. Why would this nice guy be single? What if he’s a serial killer??? (Yes even that came to mind). Because… it just seemed to good to be true and too good to be true don’t happen to regular people like me. Which is not to say I don’t think he has faults and that I won’t discover the at some point! But overall he appeared to be a genuinely nice guy.
Then after months of talking … he came to visit… and he was just what he seemed… he was caring, attentive, gentlemanly … also very mellow and quiet which is obviously in total opposition to my personality so I couldn’t fathom how we even got along as great as we did. At first I tried to remind myself I shouldn’t be too fiery and I should tone it down but as time went on I didn’t feel like I had to be anyone other than myself. I took him over to our sister isle and we had a great weekend … (I got great pics)…
Granted I know talking online and a ten day visit doesn’t mean I know the person wholly but … I just felt calm and relaxed when I was with him. Me! Who is everything BUT calm and relaxed on a daily basis.
At the end of the visit we had “the talk” and decided to give it a decent / real try even though it is long distance… so after six and a half years I guess I have … a boyfriend. The phrase itself just sounds SO strange and every so often I have to remind myself that yes I really DID willingly make that decision. For so long I’d decided that I was jus going to be single forever, no one I would want to be with would ever come along…
Of course when he left I was plagued for the first day or two with immense anxiety so I hardly slept… it’s still not real, maybe it still IS an elaborate plot or game on his part, he will probably go home and THEN message to say no I’m not interested but didn’t want to say that before… which there is NO evidence of mind you and I know really is just my own insecurities that don’t want me to believe that just for that ten days… I was really happy or that I can still be happy later on because for so long I have been unhappy.
But I like him. And I was truly willing without real hesitation to try to be in a relationship so I am going to try my best. I want to be myself yet be open to this new avenue that has just appeared out of nowhere for me, because maybe it’s time.
This of course is a MAJOR life change for me and I know my friends can’t even believe it just as much as I myself can’t believe it. (Although they seem just as, if not more excited and have absolutely no chill at present based on the one picture I uploaded to Facebook lol)
But … I feel we have a lot more fun to have in the future … and I’m really looking forward to that.
Until then! Here are some of our vacation pics 🙂