Obsession

Every so often I get involved in doing something and I immerse myself in it for a period of time obsessively. This weekend I somehow decided I wanted to do Xmas crafts. I spent two days buying ornaments and all manner of glue, paint, glitter, pop sickle sticks, lights and making all sorts of things. 

But I know that just as feverishly as I would do this now, it is quite possible that by next weekend I won’t pick up any of it again – maybe not ever again. 

I’ve never truly found anything that I would stick with and say this is what I really “love” to do. I suppose yes I’ve always wanted to be a writer but and I was obsessive with blogging for about a year (I did well) but sure enough I’ve slowed to a near halt. 

I know I have these obsessive spates that are very similar to the actions of an addict. Coming from a family of addicts it is still something that bothers me- how much my behavior can mirror theirs even though I’m not a drug or alcohol addict. 

The base is the same though- whether it be boredom or anxiety or the need for the mind to be immersed in something so as not to face the craziness that is there… 

I don’t think I will ever find that “peace” in life where I no longer move from one thing to the other or refrain from falling into long listless spells where I stay in bed and never move for the day…(or night). I move only if I have to go to work but really that is the extent to what I do unless I am suddenly taken up with some obsession other. 

I used to wonder what it would be like to be normal. But I don’t anymore because I know I will never be normal and thinking about it isn’t going to make it happen. I’m just killing time / passing through…  

I made ornaments with the popsicle sticks today… who knows if I will continue next week… 

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7 thoughts on “Obsession

  1. Interesting – some people would say it’s best you are open to embracing everything you can try, as opposed to sticking to one activity/object/hobby. I’m pretty similar in that I can be fixated on something for one/two weeks, and then leave all the supplies and materials hidden in some corner thereafter while I move on to different things. Maybe attempt a rotation :p, otherwise it’s rather aimless

    Liked by 1 person

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