Not my best. 

I’m clearly having a bad weekend. It started out quite well… I went by a friend and got my nails done and went to a movie with another friend (socializing with TWO friends in one day?! I mean this was nothing short of a miracle)… And then the addict got me PISSED beyond all measure. 

You know what really gets me – that stupid smirk on his face when he’s talking shit. Yesterday I was so angry I felt like I want to stab him in his face just to get that fucking smirk to disappear. Yes. He got me that vexed. Whenever I feel like we reach a point where I can remotely stand him… it falls apart and I’m back to square one of -: no you’re just a fuckin idiot that I can’t stand. 

It’s like every time I think he really can’t get me anymore vex than he has before – he does. So I’ve been in a mood since yesterday afternoon as usual questioning WHY is this my life, why is this my family and why am I here. Because nothing is going to change we know this, he’s still going to be an addict, I’m still going to be pissed and we are always going to argue. 

I woke up and there was an hour long documentary on “Rocky to Creed”… of course everyone knows how much I love Stallone and the Rocky franchise. It detailed the movement / making of each of the movies with interviews with Stallone and other actors who all participated in the movies. So that made me forget about how angry I was for a while. It’s odd how people can feel so attached to characters in books or movies… 

Rocky is symbolic of the success of an underdog, someone with flaws but able to somehow get back to the path of determination, ambition, hard work and strength in the face of adversity. Rocky is a survivor. 

Even though I get angry about my life it’s these same elements that I have to try to remember and hold on to in order to believe that life still has meaning. Obstacles and adversity will be there but it’s not how many times you win but how many times you get knocked down and keep getting back up. One punch one round at a time. 

I’m still VERY angry and have no plans of speaking to the addict for a WHILE. But I am going to try to get through today without obsessing over how angry I am and try to make it to tomorrow. 

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