Anxiety and step work… 

I’m on vacation from this week but… It doesn’t feel like it. I don’t know if it’s because I’m doing rehearsals for a new shoe opening Friday but I have a lot of anxiety. So I didn’t wake up and go through the day “feeling” like I was on vacation.

My sponsor also convinced me to start back doing steps… It’s been maybe a year or so since we sort of stalled on that. I was stuck on step 9. So since I’m supposed to be starting back work on steps maybe that could also be adding a little bit to the anxiety in a way. 

Step work was helpful to me but I think that steps and going meetings also made me feel a bit as if I was the addict. I felt like my life was becoming too consumed with NARANON and I ended up taking a step back from it all. 

I also felt that since my mom and I are codependent it’s also problematic at times when we both go the same meeting together (but it’s the only NARANON women’s meeting got family). Since I felt like she needed the meetings more than I did, I stopped going because I felt she would have more of a voice if I was not there. I just kept in contact with my sponsor off and on to not be totally out of the loop.

I know I should still be doing more readings and work on my own but “out of sight out of mind” mostly applies and I know there’s a bit of a void now between me and the NARANON life. I think the anxiety could also be because I let that divide happen. It’s like I have the tools to deal with some of these issues but they’ve gathered a lot of dust. 

I have a lot of work to do over the vacation but I also need to do some refresher “work” on my step work and try to find more of a balance psychologically.

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