Addict journals cont’d

It’s amazing how quickly reality can depress you. After having such a fantastic trip the inevitable reality of course is being back at home.

Back to the frustration of work and back to the addict who is getting worse again. 

I avoided saying anything to him for the past few weeks about his going back to crack just because what’s the point? And I’m fed up of him and living with him in general. 

I am ready to pack all his things and put it in the road but of course it’s not just me who has to make the decision. She has to make the decision and just saying that you’re fed up and this is it (for years now) is not making a decision. 

I always wondered what life would have been for her if she hadn’t stayed with him all these years. How much happier and stress free it could have been. She might have even found a better man or maybe learnt to be happy alone. I think either would be far better than this. 

All this is is babysitting someone and plannin all the movements of your life around their addiction and not feeling calm or at peace even in your own home. It’s always the hiding of wallets and locking of bedroom doors once you go out to avoid him stealing from us. 

I wish she would allow herself to find a better life and realize that she could survive quite well without him because she does everything anyway and without his help. 

But she won’t. And I’m stuck here. How many vacations can I really take? It’s only so many times you can escape for a weekend / few days. The reality remains that we are still living like prisoners in your own home while he gets to do and go wherever  he wants without consequence.

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