I’m back to this whole idea of goals. My sponsor and a friend of mine have suggested that I need something to focus on / work towards and maybe that way I won’t put so much energy into all the negative things in the world and how much I can’t change them all.
I don’t think I want to go back to school though I’ve already graduated from university three times… I was thinking about writing but then what would I write about? That’s always been the sticking point I start many ideas but can’t focus on one to really just work on.
I think I need meditation (maybe some prayer? But more spiritual even if not necessarily “religious”)
I believe the mind can be powerful enough to “fix” the problem of my anxiety and depression to some extent. Maybe my mind is weaker or weakened because of my NOT doing anything really for so long after my boyfriend died…
I sometimes feel like I just want to go live in a forest somewhere or go plant trees or have a farm. (Clearly I would need to be in a different country for any of those… Our island is focused solely on urbanization and oil/ gas growth soon we may import every single thing we eat).
But I’m only at peace around nature and animals… and my anxiety is not as bad. I saw an ad to learn to horseback ride and tend the horses over the summer and I considered calling to see if adults can as well since I know that organization really deals more with children. Or maybe I could check the dog/ cat services I usually donate money to and see if they need a volunteer.
I need to get my thoughts organized and decide on something specific to do and be focused on.