I think I have to stop ignoring the reality that I should go and seek continuous professional help. I would go talk to counsellors/ psychologists but off and on. I think it’s time to face the possibility as well that maybe I do need medication to be better. I don’t like the idea of meds because of the addiction in my family and signs in myself… But I think I’m at the end.
And it’s not that anything is “wrong”. I had a good weekend and I have a trip planned this weekend so I should be feeling very good. But world and society events in general have begun to make me feel very lost and depressed all of the time.
Today a group of men released nude pictures of over 300 women both underage and of age but all without consent. Whether it be hacked or stolen or gotten somehow by other people… Even though I had no “real” reason per se I immediately felt sick to my stomach I mean what if I was there? You never know what could happen … You think you deleted something and you lose your phone and there it is? Who knows.
But aside from that, it was the immediate clamouring by men nationwide all wanting to see these pictures. Really? There is so much porn available free online yet you want to see pictures issues without consent, some people blackmailed before hand and some of the persons underaged? Someone even called me asking if I had someone else’s number because he “was sure he would have the pics to send to him”. I was so angry. I AM so angry.
I am disgusted. Yet again. How many times will I be fed up of my society? The people in it? The lack of empathy for others… The crassness? The irreverence for the lives of others? The hate?
This is only compounded by the world at large. The shooting in Orlando … There are no words. None. And to think that there are people out there that believe people deserved to die because of their sexual orientation…
And right now love of any kind I will welcome because there is so little of it in this world. Maybe when we all die we will truly be judged by some Higher Power who might say otherwise, but until then, we do not and should not, have the right to decide that consensual love between two adults is anything other than NOT our business.
I have just been uneasy… An underlying feeling of being sick due not only to the actions of people but the RESPONSE of people to these actions. I do not want to be a part of this madness… There has to be more to life than this.
And then what do I do? How do I change this or make others change? I don’t know how to begin even to change myself… I need help.