You always know when you are letting go of someone. You feel something within you just… Give way… It is an ache that seems to want to swallow you whole from the inside out with its sheer sense of loss. It is an emptiness that is near indescribable.
Imagine the pilings of a jetty giving a way.. Allowing you to watch the scant, wooden boards and its moorings slide quietly, until fully enveloped, into dark waters.
The dark waters don’t fill the void though. There is always the knowledge of what was there and no longer is. I have willingly and sometimes unwillingly allowed many skeletons to sink into said waters… I know I should turn my back yet every so often I peer over the edge and these memories stare up at me from below, always lurking and accusatory, never fully gone.
Past “friends” … Past “lovers”… They’re all the same. Memories that echo of disappointment and “lack”. I cannot be fulfilled nor matched it seems. The ghastly parade of those that marched, backs turned to me, into the waters are a keen reminder of every type of relationship I’ve had. Not even my shadow remains.
I will never forget the sting of disloyalty, the pain of rejection or the reality of aloneness. I am left rooted, unable to move from this place… The Master of a brooding lake of the all ghosts who never cared.