Lately I’ve just been very tired. Supervising exams, still teaching classes, marking exam papers, rehearsing for shows, performing shows. I have two jobs that are full time but within the same day. Teaching 7:45-2:30 then Rehearsal/Performance 5-11:30. Since we do so many shows this tends to be the trend of most of my days for months at a time.
It feels like there isn’t enough time in my day FOR all the things I should be doing. Yet I know there should be a lot more that I would have to be doing if I didn’t have my mother for support. Without her I know there would be no way that I could work as much as I do without having a lot more responsibilities to see about on my own.
It gets very hard to do other things for yourself. All I want to do is just lie in bed once I’m home… Even though I still don’t sleep much. I don’t have a social life really so I don’t go “out” even if I did have the time. My version of going out is eating at a nice restaurant whenever I feel like and even that I haven’t had time to do lately. It’s been a lot of fast food, no time for exercise or even just doing relaxing things as often as I need to.
While it doesn’t show I know how I’ve been feeling lately. Like I just don’t want to do anything at all now. I feel like I’m too tired to do even my jobs now. I know it’s that I probably need better balance but it’s hard to maintain. I live with my parents yet they can legitimately go days or more without seeing me.
This week has been another really hard week like that. I’m hoping that after March I get to take some time off like a month maybe from performing and try to spend time NOT being so tired. Though I have no idea what “other” things I would do for myself during that time off. I’m hoping to get some ideas by then!