Addict journals cont’d

The addict has been back a few weeks now since his “early escape” from rehab. Today he chose to go to an event where there would be A LOT of alcohol, smoking.. Just a party atmosphere of ppl in general. 

He came back home after four hours or so and seemed to be fine. While the anxiety of will he use was unwarranted THIS time it also makes me annoyed.

I know he can stay sober if he wants to. He has all the support possible and knows what to do IF he feels like he wants to relapse. He himself will state that he knows all these things but CHOOSES to ignore them when he relapses. 

Though he did not relapse today I feel like it’s a means for us to relax our expectations / boundaries and when we do THEN he will go back to his old ways. I don’t trust this oh so clean and sober person. 

He’s been going to meetings four times a week and has generally been “good”. But he’s been like this a number of times before. 

I know I should not future trip about if he does relapse or have expectations in case he does and that way I won’t be disappointed. But it is extremely hard to not to either even to some degree.

We’ve survived today but it doesn’t make the days ahead any easier. (And yes I can hear my Own “sponsor” telling me now … One Day at a Time…) 

  

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