New Fears… 

As I live in the Caribbean, the reality of the Zika virus is one that I know we will have to face. We area already plagued with dengue and chikungunya from the very same type of mosquito, so it is only a matter of time. 

A year ago there were fears of Ebola  reaching our side of the world and while we thankfully escaped that horror, we are now faced with this crippling virus. 

We exist in a part of the world where abortion is not legal, there is very poor public health care available and private health care is only for those who are well off, and there are little to no services available for disabled children especially not on a large scale… 

We are facing the very real dilemma of either choosing to be childless or take the risk of hundreds of even thousands of disabled children that we cannot hope to care for on a large scale. 

What happens to this generation of children when they grow up? Who will care for them when they no longer have family? Will anyone care? 

Since I myself am childless with not too many child bearing years ahead of me, the fear of the Zika virus is compounding the reality of no children in the near future. 

Though we have no confirmed cases YET it is only a matter of time. With an indefinite ten year gap of even a possible vaccine, I’d say we need a miracle…

  

Addict journals cont’d

The addict has been back a few weeks now since his “early escape” from rehab. Today he chose to go to an event where there would be A LOT of alcohol, smoking.. Just a party atmosphere of ppl in general. 

He came back home after four hours or so and seemed to be fine. While the anxiety of will he use was unwarranted THIS time it also makes me annoyed.

I know he can stay sober if he wants to. He has all the support possible and knows what to do IF he feels like he wants to relapse. He himself will state that he knows all these things but CHOOSES to ignore them when he relapses. 

Though he did not relapse today I feel like it’s a means for us to relax our expectations / boundaries and when we do THEN he will go back to his old ways. I don’t trust this oh so clean and sober person. 

He’s been going to meetings four times a week and has generally been “good”. But he’s been like this a number of times before. 

I know I should not future trip about if he does relapse or have expectations in case he does and that way I won’t be disappointed. But it is extremely hard to not to either even to some degree.

We’ve survived today but it doesn’t make the days ahead any easier. (And yes I can hear my Own “sponsor” telling me now … One Day at a Time…)