Addict Journals

Lately it’s becoming harder and harder to be patient with the addict. Probably because he’s regressed and it’s now as bad as it used to be. 

He went back to doing crack cocaine and owing thousands of dollars to different dealers. He spent his whole pension he got yesterday paying them back and he is still owing and has no money at all to contribute to the household. 

He is supposed to be responsible for buying groceries. So of course I’m so pissed I said well then there won’t be any groceries. Everyone will starve. Once my dogs have food I’m fine because as usual he will contribute nothing and eat more than everyone else. 

He’s always getting away with being irresponsible and having my mother save him from his shit. Although he claimed he had paid off everyone yesterday three men showed up at our home today apparently wanting their money. So she gave him the money to pay them. 

I know she’s afraid but they already know where we live and can show up anytime. Anything can happen to either of us and the addict will still be fine. These people don’t care about how they get their money once they get it. 

Yet I know she won’t get rid of the addict. It is so frustrating that things don’t change and without him having to deal with his own selfish behavior he will just continue to do what he is doing without need TO change. He’s never had to hit rock bottom and decide if he wants to do something different with his life because he’s always been taken care of. 

I’m not in the mood to even talk to him. All he’s doing is lying in bed everyday once he’s not out using and everyday that goes by I get angrier. I don’t even know if I have the energy TO be any more fed up than I am.

I don’t feel either of them is willing to address the seriousness of what is going on and when they do it will be too late for one or all of us. 

  

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