Addict journals… 

My addict (my father) is on a downward spiral (again). He has no money so he tried to get from my mother today. It’s always been my fear – what happens when I am not around. He would never get overly aggressive if I am present but once I’m not it’s a whole different story. 

I was at an event far from home when everything occurred. She went to the hospital for some scratches and bruising… But was reluctant to make a police report to charge him. The police woman however was very patient (a rarity) and called me to explain their inability to do anything. 

Meanwhile I get home and he’s happily sleeping in bed. I locked myself in my room not because I thought he would do me anything but more so because I just wanted to kill him in his sleep because I was so angry. 

He’s getting away with so much as it is because she is an enabler but to THINK he assaulted her even if minor has me incensed. It also has me worried. I leave the country for a few days this week. Now I’m just in fear of what can happen when I’m gone and I’m not close enough to just come back home. 

The last time she attempted to get a restraining order the judge was not helpful and said just divorce him and didn’t grant the order. Courts/ systems here are not structured to deal with these situations anyway.

It’s just tiring. They are my parents… She is my mother, but calling to ask me what to do. I’m not married to him. And at the end of the day she will alway choose him so it’s not even like it makes sense for my to give my opinion (which is get rid of him). 

I have no idea what my mood will be like with him tomorrow but I’m sure it will not be very good at all. I just don’t know what to do again… So I’m just sitting in my room… Waiting. 

  

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