Obsession 

I have an obsessive personality. If I like a particular set of movies (rocky, Rambo, mad max) I will watch them every time they show. Every… Time. 

I’ve always been that way. My father is exactly the same. My mother is stuck living with two obsessive personalities (she’s forced to have our taste in movies). Whether it’s music… Books…food… When I get fixated on it it’s impossible to stop until the literal “fix” is over. 

I suppose I’m the same with people. I would obsessively want to message / talk to one particular person and it would last a while then I would move on to someone else. 

With all the guys I have, I would be that way for the first two to three months but eventually when it’s over I don’t even talk to them again I just delete them from my life and move on. It starts off insanely intense but then wanes to nothing.

I don’t know if because of this I will never be able to be with just one person for good. Even though I was with my boyfriend seven years before he died it was on and off and he was an addict ( like the other boyfriends I’ve had) so he had his own issues which probably kept us together in some ways. 

But in terms of having a “healthy” relationship with someone who’s not an addict I’m not sure if and how it could work because of my personality since so much of my personality is like that of an addict. I get tired even thinking about starting to explain it much less how I would be able to find balance. 

I’ve done well on certain aspects of my obsessive behaviour towards things but when it comes to my behaviour with actual people I have not been able to find success and so I remain alone. 

  

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