When or why do we get to the point where we rely on other people for our happiness? 

I was born alone.. I’ve got no siblings and no close cousins to say that I spent my younger years close to people. I didn’t have friends that would come over in fact I know people who’ve known me for 10+ years and never stepped foot inside of my house. 

I’m not sure how this dependence on “other people” began. I’m always the one to message someone or suggest a plan and keep up the friendship or relationship until it gets too tiring then I just stop and in those cases the Other never feels the need to reciprocate rather it just dies. 

What is it about me that doesn’t make me important to people? And why do I care that I’m not? I know I should feel like I’m just me there’s no need to try to force people to be around and I should just be happy on my own because really.. People are where they want to be. 

Maybe I complain? Or maybe I’m just too “heavy” in disposition? or maybe I’m just not memorable. 

I know my sometimes strange introverted ways and social anxiety can cause people to not invite me out which is fine. But weeks or months could go be without people in general even messaging to ask how I am. 

I suppose it’s sad that after 30 + years I’ve not been able to really have the ability to bond with people. Now that people are older they have become parents so they bond over that… Or people are into fitness so they have a core group for that… but I don’t really have a “thing” that I’m into or a part of. 

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life looking at my phone and waiting. 



2 thoughts on “Thoughts 

  1. I think the way we love is a road less travelled…one. Two…I think because of the perception of your disposition people always assume you, of all people, are ok. Remember too people share and form bonds over what they also perceive as normal, so many of us walk around plagued by normal.

    Liked by 1 person

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