Outskirts. 

I’ve never been able to just – enjoy the moment. Any moment. I feel like I’m always waiting to get the day over to start to the next so I can get to the end and get life over with. 

If I’m at work I want to be home, if I’m home I want to be out, if it’s morning I’m waiting for night, when it’s night I’m waiting for morning. I just can’t “be”. 

I’m on vacation from work now and even though I know I should just relax (for health reasons) I’m already looking at the calendar waiting for it to be over so I could get the rest of the year done. 

I just haven’t been able to find anything that has made me so happy that I like it enough to want to stay? Enjoy life? Like who I am where I am and when it’s happening? 

Yoga, meditating, reading, exercising, working… all lacks zeal. I always wonder if it’s a religious or spiritual thing… Maybe because I’m not really close to God I’m not able to find peace in the moment. And if it’s that I’ve never been able to figure out how to fix it. 

I feel like I’m on the outside looking in as everyone else enjoys life. 

  

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