Even though I’m not an “addict” I still did step work with a sponsor. I reached to step 9 last year then stopped. I’ve been stuck.
I made amends to people but I stalled on making amends TO the addict (my father). I feel like I’m not ready of it would be hypocritical because if I make amends then really it’s wiping the slate clean and I don’t know that I can do that.
He’s still a struggling addict and I don’t think I could not get angry when he relapses. I feel I wouldn’t be in a better position even if I make amends because we are in different places.
My sponsor and I have considered if making amends to him may fall under harming myself in a way so i might get away with not having to do it at all… I want to be at a place where I can do it one day. I just don’t know if that day will ever come.
I’ve stalled at this step for months because of this but my sponsor wants me to start back doing steps. I feel I have to go back to step 8 and maybe reevaluate if I would be ready to make amends even if HE is not as ready as I would like.
Sigh. It’s still a long road ahead.