So it’s Father’s Day. It annoys me that my mother makes me buy him a card on this day. There are no cards that say “hey you’re doing shit try harder next time”. And I don’t see the point in buying one that says lovely things that aren’t true.
Maybe when I was small and things weren’t so bad I would’ve had good memories. But they’ve all been overtaken / drowned / replaced by the more recent ones where he’s spent all his money on drugs, owed drug dealers, cheated on my mother , sold/ destroyed things in the house, threatened to kill us and just been a general ass.
While there’s been a quiet spate, he’s started back his weekly drinking which will probably soon lead to a binge of crack cocaine. After I handed him his (sparsely worded) card this morning he asked for 40$ to go drink. Which of course pissed me off. It’s raining, 9 am, a Sunday and Father’s Day yet he’s in a rush to find a bar and justifying why he should go.
I see people who never had a father wishing for one or those who are so elated over the fantastic ones they had. I share neither of these sentiments. There has been too much anger and disappointment for me to feel any tender moment or wish to somehow fix this broken situation.
Father’s Day is just any other Sunday.