We all have our share of addiction, just some more so than others. Substances… People… Material items… Money… For every one of these there is a host of people clamouring incessantly to attain it.
What is it about human nature that makes us crave, obsess over and give in to these things? People abandon families, stability, even their own senses it seems often times to engage in behavior that destroys their lives.
Genetics… Maybe… A disease… So they say… Losing or lacking a sense of self, searching for something to fill a void, trying to forget reality, trying to create another reality, psychological illness, maybe even idleness… Some or all culprits?
It is terrifying to have something outside of yourself control your behaviour/thoughts/ feelings. It is equally terrifying to those around you who cannot and will never understand what you yourself cannot explain.
A search for the true self and acceptance of self and establishing and believing self worth are what resonate with me in an attempt to gain “recovery”. I am not a full blown addict like my father but I see the same tendencies seething within and I struggle to hold it at bay sometimes.
My journey and its struggles I believe will be life long. I cannot give up or loosen my tenuous hold on serenity if I am to persevere. I’m often reminded of Pilgrim’s Progress when I think of the path of life that I have had / am still on.
I must overcome and prove to myself that these feelings and behaviours will not control or dictate who I am and who I will be.