It really sucks when your addict relapses. While you know you should have no expectations therefore no disappointment … Does anyone really have NO expectation of someone? especially when the someone is your parent..
You try to live life regardless of whether the addict has it together or not. But when they don’t have it together (co-dependent or not) you still feel helpless/ at a loss/ angry/ disappointed. It is very easy to get sucked into the chaos of an addict’s life when they are using.
When a relapse happens after a long period of time when things were “good” it’s even worse. Maybe to some degree we hope the addict was “fixed” and a relapse is a reminder that they will always be IN recovery not recoverED.
My addict relapsed yesterday. Not totally binge worthy full blown relapse, thankfully … but now I’m poised for what is the inevitability of that major relapse that I feel is just waiting to happen. Which is a thought I know I shouldn’t even put into the universe.
I’m still waiting to get to the point where I can face him having these relapses without having it throw off my own stability. A point where I have no expectations and no personal attachment when it happens.
But… One day at a time…