Predisposed fears. 

Parenthood is such a responsibility. I’ve always been in awe when people DECIDE to be parents – when they actively make a choice not by accident to undertake this experience. 

Given my family history of addiction and my penchant for always having dated an addict, I know a part of me does not want children for fear I pass on some serious mental illness/ defect/ issue whatever you want to call it. 

Yes it’s easy to say leave it to God and God’s will, but really it’s a game of chance isn’t it? A child may come out just fine… But what if it doesn’t? Would it be that I’ve sentence he/she to a life of unhappiness and myself a lifetime of guilt? 

For those of us predisposed to mental illnesses or addictions, can we make the same choice others do or do we have more responsibility because we are aware of our pasts? It is a frightening thought that we may have children that can suffer due to some random family trait. 

I don’t think I will ever reach a point where I would decide I am ready to be a parent with no qualms at all. Given the state of my life which also adds no likelihood in that area, I assume that a Higher Power agrees. 

But for those who have made the choice, it is a brave one full of responsibility and immeasurable care. I could only hope that we pass on the best in ourselves and hope that the world will be kind if we do not. 

  
   

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5 thoughts on “Predisposed fears. 

  1. Let go of your past. Easier said than done, i agree.
    The sun only sets to rise again – and each day is different.
    As for parenthood i fear to grow up to that responsibility.

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    1. I met only one person after my boyfriend died that I would have considered being with but he came from very similar family background and also suffers from depression so this was a conversation we had a few times. ( we never got together)

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      1. True, though look beyond. Life is much more and holds someone really special for you.
        What matters is someone who will accept you and worship you for being you.
        Sounds unreal, but trust me love is found in least expected places.
        Open your mind and heart to the fresh air.
        Breathe the love around you, kick the habit dependencies.
        You live only one – make it worth while for you and people around who care and loves for you.
        They would never be happy to see a sulking you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Lol straightforward is fine . I think I just want to be ok with if even love isn’t in the future but that I don’t want to feel like I’m missing out on anything that I will still feel life is fulfilling.

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