We are not an affectionate family. My mother and I are very close (my father and I barely speak) but we are not the “eat as family /hug and kiss/ conversation” type family.
I am the opposite of my mother. She met my father as a teen, got married young, had me, and is in it for the long haul. I suppose I will never understand that kind of love/ relationship where you have only had one person and remain with said person forever.
I blamed my mother a lot for staying with my father. I thought she could do better/ be better off without him. But she has accomplished what I still cannot- she sees the addict as a person and addiction as the disease. Even after years of meetings I still find this distinction near impossible.
Despite my feelings about their relationship she loves me unconditionally. She knows enough about me I’m sure that should make any parent question “where did I go wrong?!” Yet I have never once felt regret on her part.
Things are going fairly well recently amongst all of us. While I’m sure it is short lived before the addict acts up again, I know that my mother has a strength and resilience that I will never comprehend or mirror.
I can only attempt to come close one day to the understanding and compassion she has for others. I am doubtful of ever being able to love as she has but I hope she knows that I do love her in my own way as best I can even though I do not often show it.